The Buddha's Guide to Answering Questions

"There are these four ways of answering questions. Which four? There are questions that should be answered categorically [straightforwardly yes, no, this, that]. There are questions that should be answered with an analytical (qualified) answer [defining or redefining the terms]. There are questions that should be answered with a counter-question. There are questions that should be put aside. These are the four ways of answering questions."

First the categorical answer,
then the qualified,
third, the type to be counter-questioned,
& fourth, the one to be set aside.

Any monk who knows which is which, in line with the Dhamma, is said to be skilled in the four types of questions: hard to overcome, hard to beat, profound, hard to defeat. He knows what's worthwhile & what's not, proficient in (recognizing) both, he rejects the worthless, grasps the worthwhile. He's called one who has broken through to what's worthwhile, prudent, wise.

"Pañha Sutta: Questions" (AN 4.42), translated from the Pali by Thanissaro Bhikkhu. Access to Insight, June 7, 2009,

Pema Chodron

Abandoning False Speech

Abandoning false speech,
The Buddha refrains from false speech.
A truth-speaker,
He can be relied on
Trustworthy, dependable, non-deceptive.
Abandoning malicious speech,
The Buddha refrains from repeating what he has heard that harms others.
A reconciler of those who are divided,
He encourages those who are friends.
Rejoicing in peace, loving peace, delighting in peace
He speaks words that make for peace.
Abandoning harsh speech,
The Buddha refrains from it.
He speaks what is blameless, pleasing to the ear, agreeable,
Reaching the heart, urbane, pleasing and attractive to many.
Abandoning idle chatter,
He speaks at the right time, what is true and to the point,
Of the Dharma and discipline.
The Buddha is a speaker whose words are to be treasured,
Seasonable, reasoned, well-defined, and connected with liberation.

Wishes and Actions

No matter how I might wish things to be otherwise, things are as they are.

Although I wish only the best for you, I also know that your happiness and unhappiness depends upon your actions, not my wishes for you.

Still, like a tree

Whenever I intend to move (my limbs)
Or if I wish to speak,
I will first examine my mind.
Thus, ‘the stable one’ acts in the proper way.

Whenever my mind becomes attached
Or whenever I want to be angry,
I will not engage in (any) action nor will I say anything,
But will remain (still), like a tree.

Whenever I am wild or mocking,
Filled with pride or self-infatuation;
When I have the intention to expose the faults of others,
Cause dissension or have the thought to deceive others;

Whenever I am inclined to praise myself
Or when I disparage others,
Insult others or cause a quarrel:
At such times I will remain (still), like a tree.

Whenever I desire (material) gain, respect or fame;
Whenever I intend to seek an entourage of servants,
And when in my mind I desire (personal) service:
At such times I will remain (still), like a tree.

Whenever I desire to give up (working for) the benefit of others
And desire to pursue my personal welfare,
And when a thought of wishing to speak arises,
At such times I will remain (still), like a tree.

Whenever (I am) impatient, lazy and fearful,
Likewise when (I am) boastful or when (I talk) nonsense;
When thoughts of attachment to my own group arise,
At such times I will remain (still), like a tree.

Having in this way examined (whether or not) thought of afflictions
Or of pursuing what is meaningless (have arisen),
The hero will at such times hold steady this (mind of his)
By (applying) the (respective) antidote.

(Being) very certain and highly devoted,
Firm, respectful and polite;
Possessing a sense of shame, (being) apprehensive and peaceful,
I should strive to delight others.

Shantideva - Bodhisattvacaryāvatāra Chapter 5

From this place of stillness, forgive the negative thoughts, practice acceptance and practice compassion : beings everywhere suffer from these thoughts and situations, may we all be free from such suffering, may the suffering I experience - and witness, still as a tree - help liberate all beings.

Ears

We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.

-Epictetus

Speech in the Dhammapada

Even though a speech be a thousand (of words), but made up of senseless words, one word of sense is better, which if a man hears, he becomes quiet.

Do not speak harshly to anybody; those who are spoken to will answer thee in the same way. Angry speech is painful, blows for blows will touch thee.

They blame him who sits silent, they blame him who speaks much, they also blame him who says little; there is no one on earth who is not blamed.

A man is not learned because he talks much; he who is patient, free from hatred and fear, he is called learned.

Silently shall I endure abuse as the elephant in battle endures the arrow sent from the bow: for the world is ill-natured.

In the body restraint is good, good is restraint in speech, in thought restraint is good, good is restraint in all things. A Bhikshu, restrained in all things, is freed from all pain.

He who controls his hand, he who controls his feet, he who controls his speech, he who is well controlled, he who delights inwardly, who is collected, who is solitary and content, him they call Bhikshu.

Him I call indeed a Brahmana who utters true speech, instructive and free from harshness, so that he offend no one.

-The Dhammapada

Idle Chatter

"Whereas some priests and contemplatives, living off food given in faith, are addicted to talking about lowly topics such as these — talking about kings, robbers, ministers of state; armies, alarms, and battles; food and drink; clothing, furniture, garlands, and scents; relatives; vehicles; villages, towns, cities, the countryside; women and heroes; the gossip of the street and the well; tales of the dead; tales of diversity [philosophical discussions of the past and future], the creation of the world and of the sea, and talk of whether things exist or not — he abstains from talking about lowly topics such as these. This, too, is part of his virtue.

"Whereas some priests and contemplatives, living off food given in faith, are addicted to debates such as these — 'You understand this doctrine and discipline? I'm the one who understands this doctrine and discipline. How could you understand this doctrine and discipline? You're practicing wrongly. I'm practicing rightly. I'm being consistent. You're not. What should be said first you said last. What should be said last you said first. What you took so long to think out has been refuted. Your doctrine has been overthrown. You're defeated. Go and try to salvage your doctrine; extricate yourself if you can!' — he abstains from debates such as these. This, too, is part of his virtue."

- Buddha
Samaññaphala Sutta

This is advice for monastics. Details of right speech were given in this post

Right Speech

The criteria for deciding what is worth saying

[1] "In the case of words that the Tathagata knows to be unfactual, untrue, unbeneficial (or: not connected with the goal), unendearing & disagreeable to others, he does not say them.

[2] "In the case of words that the Tathagata knows to be factual, true, unbeneficial, unendearing & disagreeable to others, he does not say them.

[3] "In the case of words that the Tathagata knows to be factual, true, beneficial, but unendearing & disagreeable to others, he has a sense of the proper time for saying them.

[4] "In the case of words that the Tathagata knows to be unfactual, untrue, unbeneficial, but endearing & agreeable to others, he does not say them.

[5] "In the case of words that the Tathagata knows to be factual, true, unbeneficial, but endearing & agreeable to others, he does not say them.

[6] "In the case of words that the Tathagata knows to be factual, true, beneficial, and endearing & agreeable to others, he has a sense of the proper time for saying them. Why is that? Because the Tathagata has sympathy for living beings."

— MN 58